Excuses
by HecateA
Summary: Of which James is king and Lily is destroyer. Oneshot.


**Happy Halloween, and I'm sorry for your loss Lily and James fans/the world in general. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the setting**

* * *

**Excuses**

* * *

**1**

"Homework?" Professor Babbity asked stopping at James' desk with his wrinkled hand stretched out and shaking.

James hadn't done it. He'd been busy trying to set fire to a chocolate frog, which was surprisingly time consuming.

"I don't have it sir."

"Well, as the master of excuses I expect your reason to be fairly good," Babbity said. "What was it this time, Potter? Owl ate it? Your colleague Mr Black set it on fire? Mr Lupin accidentally cast an invisibility charm on the finished product?"

"No sir, see, Peter and I were trying to get ahead in transfiguration and to our collective horror I accidentally used his wand instead of whine, thus my spell went wrong and turned him into a guinea pig."

The Gryffindors laughed and the Hufflepuffs looked genuinely worried like _oh my God what do the Gryffindors _do _in that common room?_

"Of course my priorities were sorting that out seeing as Peter is such a dear friend of mine and seeing Sirius make him do tricks for spare change was very distressing. It took an awful long time and I was just so tired, I decided not to send in a very quickly and badly done paper but to just not do it at all." James said nodding.

"I expect it tomorrow," Babbity said scribbling a word down and moving onto the next desk.

* * *

**2**

"Stop your shenanigans this instant Mr Potter!" Professor McGonagall barked. Sirius hid behind her and James stood in front of her. McGonagall took the set of scales out of his hands and held it up unimpressed.

"Can you please explain, Mr Potter, why you are chasing Mr Black through the castle, trying to kill him with this?"

_It's the cue we're supposed to give Moony so he knows it's safe to come out from the Room of requirement because we are for sure the only kids in school to know about this and we can't change that. _

"Well, Professor," James said rationally. "He's my friend. I wouldn't want his end to be too painful, so that gave me very limited options."

* * *

**3**

"Mr Potter," Slughorn said. "What are you doing down here? It's rather late for you to be loitering around the dungeons, don't you find?"

"It is? What time is it, sir?" He asked. He heard Sirius huff a foot or so away, hidden under the invisibility cloak. He back up a little until he stepped on his friend's foot and he got hit in the back for it.

"Eleven thirty four at night, Mr Potter." Slughorn said.

"Goodness, is it? I was just cramming for Charms and I got so involved in my studies… with the O.W.L.S and everything, it's dreadful how we have them all at once... I didn't see the time go by. Do excuse me. But tell me sir, why are you still wandering the castle yourself?"

"Some unfinished work, Mr Potter."

James gasped.

"It's not more correction, is it? Sir, you aren't paid for that kind of overtime."

"No, I-" Slughorn stopped talking and cocked his head to the side as if a new thought had entered his mind. "I'm not, as a matter of fact."

James clucked his tongue. "It's horrible what kind of expectations people have on teachers."

"Well- well yes, I... I suppose it is." Slughorn said dreamily.

"You better get _loads _of presents from your students this Christmas. They should realize how lucky they are to have such a dedicated professor."

Slughorn smiled with pleasure. He was so easy to butter up.

"Thank you, James. Have a good evening, my boy."

"You too sir," James said. "Sleep well."

And the professor just walked away, practically buzzing with pride and joy.

"No way. No bloody way that that worked." Sirius said from under the cape. "How much worst can your sorry excuses get?"

James turned around. "My excuses, for your information, are saviors- as you should know since it was your bloody behind being saved a good portion of the time. But if you would like so Padfoot, I could go confess to every prank and assignment that my sorry excuses got us out of."

"No," Sirius hissed. "You're such an idiot Prongs, just get back under the cape. We still have Operation Tulip Parade to finish."

* * *

**4**

Snape was looking at him with eyes so angry they might start shooting lightning bolts. But James knew from experience that they would not, thus he was not alarmed. Toad eggs were splashed on his shoulder and the tips of his hair were still smoking. James was in wonder of the fact that the grease hadn't caused the momentary flames to spread and engulf Snivellus' head completely. Padfoot owed Moony ten galleons.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" Dumbledore asked looking down at James.

"Well, something I'd like myself to know is that I should consider doing my astronomy homework before it's too late and that I really should practice my shots at Quidditch because I performed quite badly against Ravenclaw to everyone's surprise, me included. Also I should not change who I am, because I was born that way for a reason; and eating garlic bread before flirting is not a good idea but brushing my teeth is." James said.

Dumbledore's lips twitched in amusements.

"All sound advice, but not what I was looking for Mr Potter. I expect you to have thought of better reasons and give them to Professor Slughorn in the form of an essay by tomorrow." Dumbledore said. His voice quieted down so Snape possibly didn't hear his next phrase. "And if I may offer advice myself; apologies to those we wronged is never anything but right."

"Thank you sir, I'll keep that in mind." James said getting up, grabbing his bag and rushing out of the office. Snape was hot on his heels.

"You think you're so brilliant, don't you?" He snapped.

James turned around.

"On a general basis, yes," James said. "But my hair doesn't look right today."

"Rubbish," Snape said his face red with anger. "You think you're so clever. With your quick answers and witty comebacks. But one day you'll get into a mess where your words and fake promises and antics won't get you out."

"I doubt it," James said. "But I'm always glad to be reminded that you have opinions and the ability to talk Snivellus, I'll see you in potions tomorrow."

And he took a secret passage behind a witch's portrait to get away, leaving Snape to try and figure out which brick opened it.

(Hint: it was being a sweetheart and spying on the painting's husband- who always loitered in the paintings of the quite beautiful witch Aphrodite Zalbohn and possibly having the first affair in the history of acrylic.)

* * *

**5**

"What is this?" Lily Evans demanded, her eyebrows creased as she interrogated James.

"I- I- well what an intriguing question, Evans."

"Don't give me any dragon dung, Potter, this has your fingerprints all over it so clearly even the blind can see it." She said. "What are you paying the first graders to do and where did you get the galleons you're paying them with?"

Merlin damn it Wormtail, _you had one job. _Turn into a rat, sneak through the walls to the girl's dormitory and leave the little green envelopes with payment and thank you notes on the beds of the first grade girls who had helped them store their illegal candy stash in aforementioned dormitory. How daft did one have to be to end up in the sixth year girls' dormitory?

"I- well, see- I…" James said. His words were empty and he dragged them hoping that while his 'I' came to a finish his brain would start working again instead of just looking at the flower ornament in Lily's hair. Was it a lily? Surely an inside joke.

James was desperately looking around the room for inspiration, divine intervention, someone to save him… but all he saw were the Marauders grinning like idiots and waving at him as if he were already on his way to hell.

His famous excuses were reduced to pulp around Lily Evans –Lily Evans and her red hair, fierce face, fiery protective habits, and her green eyes; oh those green eyes-

Much like his heart and brain were.


End file.
